I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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