I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize