So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i now understand why vodka
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
