you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
