she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
