8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am midnight drunk by noon
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
