I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
