that's an acceptable place to lick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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