I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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