He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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