Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish there were birth control emojis
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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