Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
