There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize