I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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