I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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