You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
