im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
