I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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