I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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