I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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