No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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