So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
