The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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