I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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