her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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