TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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