It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
