I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
