watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
