Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
