be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
