At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
