Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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