Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
