I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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