my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
