are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
