you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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