problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
