The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
