I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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