Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
