This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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