He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
