Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
