He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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