Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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