the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
