She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
