Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
