you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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