Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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