I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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