This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
