I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
