so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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