it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
did i just pee glitter
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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