I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
