What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
