haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
