BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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