R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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