hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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