My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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