He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am one with the molecules
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
