he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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