I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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