I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize