If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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