I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
