He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
OPIZZABONMYDICK
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
