Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
