I haven't been this sober since birth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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