I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
