were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
