I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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