How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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