what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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