So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
