the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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