Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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