would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
